Life, Recently. (April 2017)

Moana on a boat

Moana concept art — Artist Unknown

It is still amazing how time flies so fast without me knowing it, even when most of the time I spent in tears, or sick in bed, moaning in pain or disparity.

It has been a year since the last update when I told you that I had embarked on a different journey than that I had spent the previous eight years in.

Taking reference from Moana, life within the reef has been peaceful. Friends and families were by my side and although every resource were shared, there was harmony.

But in Febuary last year, I took my boat and set sail beyond the reef and out towards the ocean. In the great big blue now I am surrounded with, I quote my current boss’s words, “You need a North Star.”

Yes, unfortunately, I am lost. In the darkness of the skies, unable to read the constellation while dealing with the unpredicable wind and the waves, I got lost. Every day, I am treading to keep my head above the water, trying to see if I could hear a passing boat. But alas, all I had with me were the sun, the seas and at night, the moon and the stars.

How should I chart my path from now on? How do I read the stars above? I have no idea. At the moment, every moment was a difficult one. Which patches are the windward, the leeward?  Which way was North? Besides trying to calm my unnerving anxiety, I honestly have to remember every lesson and keep learning.

The only thing that kept me going was hope. Hoping that a ship will pass by and pick me up, hope that I will find an island soon, because being on the water was not easy, the world below the water was a different game and I do not have the wings to fly up above the waters to see the world around me.

I know that this year it’s a year of self-discovery for me.
What do I really want to do?

Although I have a job and everyday I am just doing html coding, I cannot see where this current job will take me. I don’t see a path or a future in this. There are opportunities in abundance in a different path, and that would mean I have to jump onto another path and begin to race again.

But is that what I want?

 

Currently, I am still braving the stormy seas. The darkness has yet to pass, the waters yet to calm. And until I find that elusive North Star, I tell myself that I will continue to float, and I guess, for now, it’ll just have to do.

 

 

Till my next story,

 

 

 

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